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28 Dec

i went to KL last weekend just to have fun with my girlfriends. after few months of sakit hati and sakit jiwa, losing weight and low self-esteem, i need to move forward, find new friends, catching up with old friends. after all the only person i need is friend… and friends.

but i dislike KL. i found myself feeling down and depressed in one of the evening there because of some disclosed reasons. i closed my eyes, hoping my friends wouldn’t notice that. suddenly, i realised that “aku pernah sekolah kat kl 5 tahun takkan pasal bende bodoh tu aku nak benci semua benda. aku lagi pandai!”.. and i know.. sbb aku pandai la aku boleh survive sampai skrg and aku tak pernah menyusahkan org lain.

sigh.. sgt banyak perasaan benci dlm hati aku. sangat sangat benci. aku tak pernah membenci sebanyak ini. byk kemungkinan yg aku fikirkan. skrg aku cuma perlu kawal diri aku dari membenci dgn memupuk kasih sayang dlm diri. aku ada keluarga dan kawan-kawan. aku ada dia.

aku cuba utk jadi diri aku kembali. aku hendak jadi seperti dulu. seorang yg mudah senyum, seorang yg tidak termenung. seorang yg ketawa dan bukan yg murung.

implikasi yg besar utk masa depan aku. semua ini jadi titik tolak perubahan dalam hidup. tapi semua ada hikmah. aku tahu dihujung waktu itu, aku masih boleh mengukir senyuman yg ikhlas.🙂

tomorrow marks another year of friendship, love, lust, hate and hatred.

 
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Posted by on December 28, 2005 in crash and burn

 

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