i had hundreds hits a day. most of them are silent readers. i dont know who you are, but thanks for visiting my blog. the entry which had the highest hit was on the 13th may – peristiwa tak berdarah pun. followed by "why men love bitches" entry which was only half of the highest. hebatlah kawan aku ni. aku buh poster muka kau kat sini sure meletup. only 4 wished me happy bday. ahahahha i am not friendly, i guess.
this year's bday celebration was sweet. many wishes came thru my cellphone. tit tot tit tot sehari suntuk. the mood was really really good. they made fun of me because of this bank slip i had in my purse. mind you, it's my slip!
seriously, that RM100 i had a day before has been reduced to RM30. i was ok, at first. but later when aj3k and i were out that nite, i really felt down.
dont you ever wish when u were still studying, celebrating ur bday with frens, with a minimal budget.. u wish one day, when u earn your own money, you'll buy something big for yourself on your bday? i had that wish.
but i dont even dare to buy myself a cheap lovely bracelet at the cost of RM20. i just can not! i have to fill up my gas. my pocket money. my lunch meals.
aj3k has been sweet taking me out, celebrating my bday. thanks sayang.
i cried before bed. i felt sad for myself, i cannot buy anything for me. went to work with this hard feeling. tried to forget that, forgive myself.
suddenly kena marah dgn subordinate. tak puas hati cara aku tegur dia. whadda! right after she had done with the tengking, i asked. "apa aku dah buat kat kau?" then she told the same thing over and over again, yg masih tak dpt beri jawapan pada aku mana salah aku. cara dia ckp like everyone in the office doesn't like me, dont do that again if i want to work in that office lama, she said i must change my attitude.
pheww.. like i want to work there lama2! when she finished, i said calmly, "sorry kalau kau terasa. and thanks sbb bg tau aku". i could see that she wasn't satisfy with my answer. i turn around, act busy. she went out right after that. yes, i broke down. i asked another technician who was also in the room, "ery, am i that bad? did i do the same thing to you?"
alhamdulillah i didnt act stupid. tu je yg buat aku rasa nyaman. cuba la kalau aku balas dgn maki hamun, sure muka aku tebal mcm boleh buat bumper kete.
bukan aku tak boleh ditegur.. aku tak boleh ditengking. i'll cry there and there. Ya Allah.. apadia ckp tu tak berkudis pun kat aku.. aku sedih je kena marah free. she's younger. aku bukan nak berlagak pandai tp dia mmg slow skit. maybe aku silap masa explain pape kat dia which end up dia buat salah. maybe aku tak pandai nak tegur, but wht i did was for her own good. i helped another senior to restructure the office organization, i want the technicians to have a deeper chance to get promoted. that was my target.
Loh and Juita took me to early dinner after work. Yeay! they are my darlings in that office. Loh loves to make fun of my bendul-ness and would always make me panic.
Mama told me, yesterday Acap gave her RM17 to buy paparoti which my family love so much to celebrate my bday. I want to slap myself for being a cruel sister to him for all these while. I've done something cruel too.. I didnt tell mama earlier that aj3k asked me out.
23rd of may is not a good day for me this year. slap me.